she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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