Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.

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(314): View more from Missouri

like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now

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(480): View more from Arizona

Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?

(774): View more from Massachusetts

Someone just got laid.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.

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27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
Read it at the TFLN blog
(617): View more from Massachusetts

Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.

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(515): View more from Iowa

you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny

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(801): View more from Utah

He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.

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(323): View more from California

Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.

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(727): View more from Florida

We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.

(727): View more from Florida

Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.

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