Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.

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  (212): It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you. http://tfl.nu/rmlk
  Replies (23) Good night (528) Bad night (1522)
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  (914): View more from New York

  when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"

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  (914): when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing" http://tfl.nu/damz
  Replies (27) Good night (730) Bad night (3870)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.

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  (847): okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy. http://tfl.nu/r1l8
  Replies (20) Good night (600) Bad night (4959)
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  (805): View more from California

  He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.

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  (805): He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out. http://tfl.nu/7h8c
  Replies (13) Good night (1431) Bad night (5174)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few

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  (407): I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few http://tfl.nu/2coh
  Replies (1) Good night (2217) Bad night (695)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?

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  (301): do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit? http://tfl.nu/0117
  Replies (6) Good night (1181) Bad night (587)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side

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  (847): I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side http://tfl.nu/k88p
  Replies (12) Good night (2049) Bad night (714)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.

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  (763): Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up. (763): I just baked them cookies. We're friends now. http://tfl.nu/27t6
  Replies (10) Good night (2630) Bad night (587)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.

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  (940): Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things. http://tfl.nu/0rsv
  Replies (10) Good night (1917) Bad night (488)
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  (435): View more from Utah

  Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.

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  (435): Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control. http://tfl.nu/z6u1
  Replies (2) Good night (911) Bad night (1207)
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  (760): View more from California

  Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.

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  (760): Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up. http://tfl.nu/n00x
  Replies (5) Good night (674) Bad night (421)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Steaks?

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's Ash Wednesday.

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?

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  (267): Steaks? (215): It's Ash Wednesday. (267): If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made? http://tfl.nu/8kzi
  Replies (4) Good night (907) Bad night (292)
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  (310): View more from California

  I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.

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  (310): I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there. http://tfl.nu/77nt
  Replies (1) Good night (795) Bad night (289)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.

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  (832): He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things. http://tfl.nu/i4w8
  Replies (2) Good night (323) Bad night (274)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.

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  (512): If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic. http://tfl.nu/ogiy
  Replies (1) Good night (424) Bad night (196)

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