It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
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So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
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I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN