I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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