Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(314): View more from Missouri

I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...

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(314): I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter... http://tfl.nu/166t

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(303): View more from Colorado

maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...

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(303): maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing... http://tfl.nu/2fyx

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(515): View more from Iowa

On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.

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(515): On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it. http://tfl.nu/mvhu

Replies (12) Good night (7097) Bad night (1362)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.

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(781): Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night. http://tfl.nu/qv6r

Replies (6) Good night (825) Bad night (4378)
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(970): View more from Colorado

I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.

(1-970): View more from Colorado

Soup is delicious

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(970): I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup. (1-970): Soup is delicious http://tfl.nu/y0l8

Replies (12) Good night (5019) Bad night (1188)
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(702): View more from Nevada

The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves

(806): View more from Texas

That's not technology. Doesn't count.

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(702): The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves (806): That's not technology. Doesn't count. http://tfl.nu/x0wz

Replies (3) Good night (1763) Bad night (847)
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(414): View more from Wisconsin

I just Tebowed the shit out of her.

(336): View more from North Carolina

Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.

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(414): I just Tebowed the shit out of her. (336): Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb. http://tfl.nu/wxei

Replies (10) Good night (2292) Bad night (818)
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(331): View more from Illinois

My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.

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(331): My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good. http://tfl.nu/opzi

Replies (17) Good night (5457) Bad night (882)
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(817): View more from Texas

Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.

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(817): Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots. http://tfl.nu/sx8s

Replies (6) Good night (507) Bad night (1540)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.

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(403): I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture. http://tfl.nu/2295

Replies (7) Good night (1012) Bad night (457)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there

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(732): he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there http://tfl.nu/19cw

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?

(1+44): View more from

Which pub are you in?

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(+44): Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon? (1+44): Which pub are you in? http://tfl.nu/p4a0

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.

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(405): I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level. http://tfl.nu/exjq

Replies (0) Good night (530) Bad night (355)
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(616): View more from Michigan

My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables

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(616): My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables http://tfl.nu/sfy3

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(585): View more from New York

You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder

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(585): You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder http://tfl.nu/8d1s

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