I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?