Texts From Last Night

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  (406): View more from Montana

  The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.

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  (406): The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots. http://tfl.nu/c5g4
  Replies (10) Good night (2154) Bad night (792)
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  (979): View more from Texas

  Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.

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  (979): Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina. http://tfl.nu/ikem
  Replies (26) Good night (866) Bad night (3777)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?

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  (360): on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you? http://tfl.nu/kgxf
  Replies (50) Good night (1499) Bad night (9525)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts

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  (620): my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts http://tfl.nu/naa2
  Replies (30) Good night (4421) Bad night (1183)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe

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  (808): you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe http://tfl.nu/mori
  Replies (4) Good night (4387) Bad night (836)
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  (646): View more from New York

  He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.

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  (646): He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was. http://tfl.nu/uwpx
  Replies (24) Good night (1095) Bad night (5717)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?

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  (828): is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear? http://tfl.nu/pkiy
  Replies (1) Good night (823) Bad night (1566)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.

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  (225): I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave. http://tfl.nu/w0e5
  Replies (20) Good night (990) Bad night (2414)
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  (483): View more from

  Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?

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  (483): Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she? http://tfl.nu/qpva
  Replies (7) Good night (942) Bad night (1539)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.

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  (480): I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it. http://tfl.nu/wwgo
  Replies (5) Good night (1182) Bad night (680)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?

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  (702): I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love? http://tfl.nu/7zb0
  Replies (19) Good night (4359) Bad night (652)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"

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  (774): You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!" http://tfl.nu/sqoz
  Replies (4) Good night (1712) Bad night (514)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.

  (1-612): View more from Minnesota

  Are you really alive right now?

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  (612): Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath. (1-612): Are you really alive right now? http://tfl.nu/b3cy
  Replies (5) Good night (1653) Bad night (543)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...

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  (609): You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright... http://tfl.nu/5odl
  Replies (0) Good night (584) Bad night (428)
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  (626): View more from California

  i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over

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  (626): i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over http://tfl.nu/mit8
  Replies (1) Good night (174) Bad night (432)

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