ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.