She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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