No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
