apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
