It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
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His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
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I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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