I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
