If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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