OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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