Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
be right there i have to get my cape
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
