my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
