i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
