I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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