oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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