I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
