he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
