My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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