I accidentally had phone sex last night
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
