my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
