If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
