Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
