you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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