i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
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I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
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All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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