that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
