i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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