gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
