Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
