Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Randomize
