I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
