So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
