i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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