all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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