Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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