By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
