I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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