I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
