you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
