my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
