We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
