well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
this just has baby written all over it
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
