I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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