You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
whose parrot is this?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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