I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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