please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize