Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
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We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
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Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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