I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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