allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I will be naked everywhere
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
