i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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