you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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