Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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