The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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