I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
