he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
