I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
