She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
