Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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