So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
4 words: hood of his car
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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