I have demons in me.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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