One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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