my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
