So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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