Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
