so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
