walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
